freedom wall

March9, 2012; Friday

We just had our last recollection at school It’s a preparation for our graduation and some kind of a thing to make us regretful somehow in some way. Well, if that’s the case, it’s effective, for me. And if there plan is also to make us thankful for whatever we had at school, and then… they won!

I recollect (another point for the school… its RECOLLECTion, isn’t it?) the memories I had way back in 2008 when I first entered the gate of heaven. (Well, there are some who pet named our school as gate of heaven because he associated ‘angels’ to the lovely girls in our school.)

If you actually ask me to say a statement about my college years without using the most common answers in the world, my answer would be… “I could have done better”.

I grew up knowing the fact that ‘college’ is a preparation for the real world. Yes I do have regrets of not being the best in class… or at least try to be one – like how I used to be when I was at Therese, I was considered one of the good and trusted students in our batch (oops. Did someone just carry her chair?) yes, my adviser told me that I am one of his most trusted students – no wonder he keeps on giving me classroom responsibilities which includes discipline within the room, and my classmates.

I didn’t know what happened but maybe the talk giver was right… FOCUS is an issue in college that affected my study. I may have personally grown, but I also had difficulty in handling relationships – relationships with my family, my friends at school (from my first set of friends to Jutangs), from my classmates since I was still a freshman… I also had relationship difficulties with my professors and other school staffs that add pressure on me. The means of transportation and the people I knew or the strangers that I come across are also factors.

When I first saw my first midterm grade during my 1^st year, I jumped for joy because I don’t have any line of 7 in my transcript. The lowest grade I can remember then was 81 and 83… the rest are way better than 85 or 84 at least. However, I thought, should I live with principle that says “grades are just numbers”. Seriously, I have problems hearing this statement and saying this statement only means that you’re not too competitive or goal-oriented enough not to consider your grades as a basis of what you actually do. but, is studying was made for someone to have an honor or for him to learn? Well…. Grades don’t really show who the person really. But, I still don’t know.

“Choose your battles in life. There are some that are worth the fight but some are not.” I remembered the battles I had since my first years in college. My first battle was me finding good and true friends that will stick with me forever. I was so cautious of the people I am getting along with because I was afraid to make a mistake. I don’t want to have a friend who’ll be a hindrance to my studies and other stuffs. I don’t want to have a friend who is an addict who is capable of influencing me… I was so careful of taking care of the values I have gained, the values I treasured since I studied.

Honestly, I had difficulty in making friends with other people. I experienced eating sandwich in a cubicle and my first circle of friends is way far different from my circle of friends today. We’re too young to deal with life that time kaya siguro mahirap pa magpaka-serious sa life. So, I have learned that our speaker was right when he said that “Not everything that appears to be good is good… because what is in the heart is not always shown in the face.”

Also, If there is one thing I have learn in my entire college life, I’d say that I have learned how and when to be dependent and independent kasi walang ibang may kilala sayo kundi ang sarili mo so…. Ikaw lang din talaga ang tutulong sa sarili mo kasi ikaw lang naman ang tunay na nakakakilala sa sarili mo. Kaya dapat, alam at kilala mo ang sarili mo.

DISCIPLINE. Big word! Something that developed in me within four years. I have discipline but it is not as strict or as strong as how it is should be. I know what to prioritize, I can say NO whenever necessary, I have learned to be assertive (in some ways, yeah… It is important to me but there was something that I missed. I forgot to have discipline in keeping my body healthy. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko priority ang health ko. It’s always been other people who’s on my top 5 to 10 lists. Siguro kasi nasanay ako na hindi ako sakitin… pero dahil lately, kung ano-anong changes na nararamdaman ko sa aking katawan like my menstruation getting regular from irregular, my muscle pain, my heartbeat, my breath, my skin, my food intake, my stool, urine…. Everything! Lahat ng na-metnion ko, nagkakaroon na ng problema.