freedom wall

March 12, 2012; Monday

A friend of mine shared her problem to me. Something that has been kept for weeks and I am involved.

At first I was shocked and I shrunk when she confessed how disappointed she is to me… until now. It’s clear to us that we are okay. But I guess she might have set walls already even before she confessed. It saddens me.

I was speechless and could answer back when she was explaining her side why she is disappointed to us (ME – SPECIAL MENTION). I don’t blame her though. I know my faults, it is very clear to me. I was not able to set boundaries for myself. I think I was not able to see the line between work and friends. I became over concern about their works. I was blinded by the other side and loss my ability to hear the other party. I became biased without me knowing it. What I have thought was a help just turned out a disappointment from my friend. The concern just empowered the boundaries and my role as one of her closest friend.

I thought to myself, am I a bad friend? Am I over reacting when there is a commotion between my other friends which causes me to cross the line? Do I give concern too much to people which makes my personality to become authoritative in a mild way?

I have this attitude to tell people to do these and do that and sometimes, I just sound like my father. Is it my way of manipulating other people, even to my friends?

So I want to offer this entry to my friend who is still disappointed to me but still tries to be okay and love me.

To you, I am sorry. I am sorry for not hearing your voice and for not being there when everybody were against you. I am your friend and I am supposed to battle with you but instead, I screw up. I crossed the line without knowing it. I have forgotten how you are as a person and how you deal with things. Sa ginawa kong ito, para na rin kitang iniwan. And again, I am sorry for that. I know that confessing me “the problem” was very difficult especially at this point of time because we’re parting ways. But thank you for taking the risk of telling me the reason of those tears. Thank you for still trusting me your interests and for still considering me as your friend, your sister.