freedom wall

“If I could ask God just one question… why aren’t you here with me tonight?

…someday we’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you”

– Someday we’ll know, Mandy Moore (OST: A Walk to Remember)

*sarcastically speaking*

Perfect! Narinig ko nanaman itong kanta na ito. This song always make me feel sad, upset, nostalgic, f*cked up… lahat na! it never failed to make me think of my good old days with Louie.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! Now I’m reminiscing. It’s been three years, I guess? (If I calculated it right? Haha)

Those days… I was so inlove with him. I was so eager to push our friendship all the way up to the next level believing that we can beat the odds together. Nah! Cliché.

I remember the times when I can’t resist of loading every week and chatting with him almost everyday huwag lang ako mawalan ng communication sa kanya – cos’ I realized that I just can’t live a day or two without knowing how he is, what he is doing, what he is thinking…. Anything and everything! Hindi lang talaga kami nauubusan ng pinaguusapan. I somehow regret that we were not able to make a lot of phone calls and talk until the wee hours, but at least we were able to do it once… I think? And sleeping with him over the phone is my favorite bedtime story in my entire life. It’s my top 1, and so far, nothing beats that night talking to him, singing with him and (oooops. Much has been said!)

I was so blinded by the “L” word to the extent that I was taken for granted… very much taken. My unconditional love for him has not yet faded. I don’t want to let go all of it, for now. I’ll take it slow. I still want to feel the joy and the pain of loving him unconditionally until it hurts no more.

P.S. This entry was neither made nor published to make the person involved puzzled or have that “panghihinayang” or guilt feeling. The author also does not intend to blame the person involve. She just wanted to scribble her thoughts.

Written: March 12, 2012, Bus (Ayala, Makati City)