freedom wall

date: November 25, 2011

time: 7:57 P.M

Sa dinami-dami niyang criteria o standards sa buhay pati na rin yung pag i-idolize nya sa papa nya, bakit sa mga tulad nila siya napupunta? Bakit sila yung napipili niya? Bakit sila yung minahal niya o mamahilin niya o minamahal niya.

If you will ask her who’s hotter between a boy-next-door type and a maginoo pero mejo bastos... you’ll be surprised to know that she will chose the “maginoo mejo bastos” kind of guy, especially if you have an idea about her "Hero". Sa title pa lang na “maginoo pero mejo bastos”, walang wala na sa mga nasabing "Hero standards/characteristics".

She don’t know why... but she dig boys who are like that. Well, not the typical bastos na manyak type of guy of course! Gusto niya yung bastos na, loko-loko. Bad boy look and a little naughty but nice attitude sound perfect for her.

What’s weird is that she have this magic or power that makes those boys heart feel light. She also have this power to change them in her own little and different ways. kaya lang naisip rin niya na, parang hindi naman effective yung ability niya na ma turn into good boy ang isang bad boy dahil narin sa mga naranasan niya. Dahil minsan, sa sobrang bait niya, nagiging kapalit naman nito eh niloloko siya o kaya naman nat-take for granted at naaabuso yung kabaitan niya. "So ano pagkukulang ko?" tanong niya sa sarili.

Random thoughts no. 8: Madalas

Date: November 11, 2011

Time: 6: 38 P.M.

Kilala niya ang kanyang sarili bilang tao na palaging nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob sa iba.

Sya madalas yung nagbibigay ng words of encouragement sa mga pinanghihinaan ng loob.

Sya rin madalas yung nagbibigay ng hope sa mga taong nawawalan ng pag-asa.

Sya rin yung tao na todo suporta at proud sa mga achievements ng iba, especially her friends. Madalas niyang ipinagdarasal ang mga taong ito.

At ngayon, sya naman ang may kailangan. Wala nga lang nakakaalam.

Date: November 9, 2011

Time: 5:38 P.M.

Iniisip niya kung bakit walang natawag sa kanya. Phone number, check. E-mail address, check. 2x2 picture, check. No typographical error, check. Her father, who is also her mentor, even fixed it! but what the hell is wrong with that effin paper!?!

Isip. Isip. Isip.

Ah! Qualifications? Maybe. Wala kasi siyang ganon. Hindi kataasan ang grades, pero pasado. May line of 7, pero hindi sa major. 80 pinaka mababa sa major... pero hindi yun sapat. Dapat ata na sa listahan na naka pin sa board. Dapat ata nasa unahan ng upuan. Dapat ata bibo. Dapat ata may position... o kung hindi man, paboritong tao.

“ANG BOBO KO. NAIINIS NA AKO SA SARILI KO. NAKAKA-DOWN.” Sabi niya sa isip niya. Wala siyang masabihan ng problema. Ayaw niya sabihin sa mga kaibigan. Nahihiya. Siya na lang kasi ata ang bukod tanging hindi tinawagan. Ni-isa man lang sa mga binigyan niya ng papel... kung meron man, isa lang... palpak pa! Hindi para sa kanya.

Hanap dito, hanap don. Click. Click. Click. Basa. Bura. Back. Refresh. Enter. Delete. Puta, lahat na ginawa. Wala pa rin.

Nakipagtalo siya sa sarili niya:

Positibo: hayaan mo na. Tawag at imbitasyon lang yun. Sa paggawa nagkaka-alamanan. Na sa performance yan. Hindi lang yan basehan ng utak. Basehan din ng ugali at pag-gawa.

Negatibo: pero bakit ang iba na alam mo at kilala mong mas mababa, may imbitasyon? Bakit kung sino pa yung mali sa papel at kulang-kulang, yun pa ang nakahihigit?

Positibo: hindi ko alam.

Naisip niya, baka isa ito sa mga sagot sa kanyang dasal. Maaring o posible kayang hindi siya nararapat sa ganong lugar? Doon nab a agad siya dapat sa kung saan niya talaga gusto? Yung lugar na alam niyang magiging Masaya siya at mapapagod siya ng Masaya?

ANO ANG SAGOT?

Date: November 9, 2011

Time: 12:00 P.M.

“Maybe I still love him. Maybe, I wasn’t really over him. Maybe I am still hoping. And worst, I am STILL waiting.” She said to herself.

Denial. That’s what others would call it. Stupidity, some will say. It’s been 5 months since they saw each other and had a sarcastic ending. It was painful for her and maybe surprising for him. He had no idea how hard and painful it was for her.

She was in misery. He was in love... madly and deeply.

On a regular basis, she goes out and tries to keep herself busy because she believes that focusing into something in else would help her forget and move her out of the dark.

“I know I can do this. I’ve been in this kind of situation before kaya alam kong magagawa ko ito. Malalampasan ko rin ito. I know I can and I must!”

Date: October 24, 2011

Time: 11:02 P.M

Dating kasintahan (lalaki)

Dating pag-ibig (babae)

Masyadong naging mabilis yung pangyayari. Hindi na namalayan ni pag-ibig na nagpapakita na ng motibo ang dating kasintahan. Hindi na rin napigilan ng dating kasintahan kung gaano niya gusto makasama ang dating pag-ibig. Dalawang buwan na ang nakakalipas ng huli siyang makaramdam ng ganito. Hindi niya sukat akalain na mabibitag siya sa patibong ng dating kasintahan. Sa loob rin ng dalawang buwan, lilipad na sa ibang bansa ang dating kasintahan. Pero...

Naisip niya, nasayang lang ang bagong prinsipyo. Nasayang lang ang pag-babagong buhay. Hindi pala madali... lahat talaga, dumadaan sa isang proseso. Hindi niya alam ano mangyayari sa susunod. Sa paghihiwalay nila kasabay ng paglubog ng araw, naiwan ito sa kanyang isipan:

“ano ba ito? Ayoko ito. Pero bakit hindi ko sya mapigilan?” tanong sa isip nito.

“bakit ganon? Hindi ka nakakasawa?” sabi ng dating kasintahan.

“di ako nakakasawa? Hmm. Bolero! (sabay batok) sinong niloko mo” sabi niya.

Paano na lang ang pangako ng dating pag-ibig sa nakatataas?

Date: October 18, 2011

Time: 11:14 A.M

Iyon na siguro ang huli nilang pagkikita.

“Nakakahinayang” naisip niya.

Ang bagong tao na nagbibigay sa kanya ng kilig ay halos pumasa na sa mga hinahanap niya sa isang lalaki – matalino, may sense kausap, maganda ang kamay, at engineering student. Isama mo na siguro yung pagiging “bad boy look” niya... pero hindi pa sapat ito. Gusto pa niyang makilala ng lubos ang bagong tao na nagbibigay sa kanya ng panandaliang kilig.

Tulad ng lagi niyang dasal: “If the boy is not a boyfriend or husband material (for keeps, to make it short) then, let me have a reason to stop and not to choose him. Let me have reason/s to make me stop from expecting and dreaming that he can be the one.”

The next day... “May girlfriend na sya at tatlong taon na sila” sabi sa kanya.

Date: October 18, 2011

Time: 4:29 P.M

She only had one call out of 15 companies that was in the job fair. Unfortunately, the company does not suits her chosen field. The company is more on sales and marketing. So... cancelled!

Now, what is she thinking? Let’s see “maybe if I was as smart and intelligent as her, I could get in. My resume is not impressive after all! What am I gonna do now? This search-for-a-job sucks! It pisses me off... and all I have and can do for now is to wait, and pray hard”

But what about those who aren’t really worth it? Those who have lower grades and have less sense of responsibility than me... how come they have more calls and interviews than me?

“Do I sound stupid? Irrational? Urgh. Nakaka-down.” She told to herself.

Date: October 17, 2011

Time: 1:40 am

She was taken aback by the homily. The question was this: How was I able to serve the Lord today? Well, she thinks her day was okay. She found it very light. Naisip niya tuloy, sa mga ginawa o ginagawa niyang mali sa mga nakaraang taon (paglulumandi, pagsisinungaling, pag hihiganti, atbp), hindi niya na naiisip na dapat, makita mismo sa sarili niya na isa siyang taong simbahan. Kahit na sabihin pa ng ibang tao na hindi lahat ng nasa simbahan ay santo... dapat, kahit isa man sa kanila, ay makitaan ng “saint o holy image”. Man of God, ika nga ng iba.

She realized that everything we do must be in the name of God. With proper guidance and divine intervention, we’ll be saved from committing sinful acts.

“uhhhh. Why do I sound like this? Ang banal ko lang” she told to herself.

Date: October 17, 2011

Time: 1:06 am

She’s watching a movie. This is the problem when you watch melodramatic chic-flick movies – you get too emotionally wrecked especially when you’re unconscious that your heart’s got a problem. She’s watching a wedding movie when suddenly, she asked herself: will I be able to find “that man”? Oh right! Now she’s been thinking that maybe, she’s really looking for Mr. Perfect! She’s not a fan of Mr. Perfect, but she’s not too honest to herself that one of her reasons behind her decisions of staying single are: 1) there is no such thing as forever 2) Mr. Perfect is too idealistic and too far from the reality. 3) She’s enjoying meeting different people, but she doesn’t date them regularly and have physical contact. 4) She is afraid. 5) She wanted to love and respect herself first.

She’s been thinking and still doubting if she’ll be able to find the man in the movies. She doesn’t know how she will pray for it. She has her own plans – she has plans for herself (only for herself, family, friends and strangers... but never for her soon-to-be-partner). Bigla niya tuloy naisip: is something’s wrong with me? Do I sound too selfish? Am I that rude not to include someone who could be with me as I achieve my goals?

She can’t wait for the day that she’ll be able to find true love and feel its own meaning.

this photo was taken yesterday on our grand family reunion. our theme was retro, so i decided to come up with this outfit. Bagets inspired ito if i'm not mistaken. hehe.

like any other themed parties i've attended, i won the "best in costume".
i don't know why, pero laging ganon. i always (well di naman taon-taon kaso madalas kasi mangyari sa 'kin) win "the best in costume" award. haha.

i don't buy clothes naman for such events pero it comes natural e! i love clothing myself whenever i have to attend some themed parties.

btw, i did my make-up here. so, simple lang siya at di pa gaano kaganda kasi di naman ako sanay. haha :))

i wonder what themed party ang susunod kong aattendan :p haha. manalo kaya ulit ako? :))
haha.

but don't get me wrong here, i dress up during themed parties to prepare and to follow what has been said to show some respect. i dress not to win an award. haha :))