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Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Written: april 10, 2012 at 7:34 P.M.
Have you ever celebrated your birthday in tears… and these
tears are not out of joy or extreme happiness but out of pain, suffering and
silence?
Have you ever felt the feeling that you just want to die and
pop out of this world? Or worst… take your own life even if it is against your
will… and your religion… but you just can’t think of any way to escape the
agony you are feeling? The shits you’ve been hiding for days are already eating
your brain… and you know it causes you so much pain. You just can’t think of
any reason to be happy anymore. You can't find any reason to live longer… all you
can see is… death.
You see what happens when your life becomes a total mess
especially if you have lived a life full of positivity and hope for the past 20
years of your existence? You see what happens when you realize that one of the
hardest thing in this life is having something in your heart that you just
can’t put into words… you just can’t let go… no one hears you scream but you.
You can’t speak you mind... and no one knows it, except you.
Die.
Die.
Die.
Die.
Die.
She woke up in tears – silently of course. Today is her most
fucked up birthday! It is not supposed to be called a “Happy” birthday… she
can’t find any reason to celebrate her 21st year of existence.
She grew up loving her birthday. It is her #1 favorite day
next to Christmas and New Year and Valentine’s day. she grew up not loving so
much her birth month because it falls on a summer vacation and she cannot
invite her friends and her classmates when she was young. She envy her
classmates who have celebrated their day at school and made pakain ng mcdo or Jollibee or kahit anong
birthday party foods. She didn’t experienced being serenaded by her
classmates and sing the happy birthday chant. – well she did experience
celebrating her day at school… once, during her college days. She had a summer
class and her barkada made her day special.
But today… it was really different for her.
You can see through her eyes. She is very transparent that’s
why you can easily say that she isn’t happy today. You’ll know that she doesn’t
want to celebrate. Wala lang siya nagawa… because her parents insisted.
And at the end of her day… she still cried.
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About me
- Nikka Cosme
- Las Pinas City, Manila, Philippines
- I PROTECT the environment, I SERVE for my country and its people (but not the government), I LEAD the youth and I FOLLOW God. And by the way, Apple is just a pen name ;)
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