freedom wall

I didn’t think that this time would come. It was last September 15, 2011 that my morning became very... should I say, lovely? Well, my religion class (marriage) really made my morning – except for the... *bleep bleep*. What really made me feel alive that morning was the couple who shared their love story to us.

If I were to describe it, I would say that their relationship is a ‘blessing’. Their ‘marriage is indeed, a blessing’. It is an answered prayer J

I won’t share in this entry every single details and experiences that they shared (for privacy and respect of course). Rather, I will share to you my reflection that was running at the back of my mind when they were sharing their stories and when they were throwing jokes at each other.

Here are the things that ran into my mind:

1. Prayer really works if you believe.

Way back in college, the wife had 3 suitors. She was thinking whom to choose so what she did was to pray. She prayed for Saint Joseph “the first guy that will invite me to celebrate the mass with him will be the one.”

On the other hand, the husband is more of divine intervention (prayer) – as how he described his way of looking for ‘the one.’ He always hear mass every morning, and his prayers include: “ sino kaya magiging partner ko?”

They both believe in prayer. Asking for a sign isn’t that bad. However, what they did was to ask for a partner. Knowing that they’re both religious, hindi nila pinili yung vocation for religious life kasi they both have plans to settle down, get married and have a family of their own. They told us, “In everything you ask, pray.”

2. Set your goals as early as now.

During their college days, they had already set personal goals for their future. They chose to continue fulfilling their personal goals kahit na nagging mag boyfriend and girlfriend sila. They worked hard on their careers and saved money for their future. There was even a time that the wife had to go to the states to work. The husband stayed here in the Philippines and they were still together then. Yes, it was a long distance relationship. In the end, the wife decided to leave the states, and sacrificed her job. She chose to be with her husband and get married.

Love conquers all and your personal goals should not be a hindrance in a relationship. I have realized that, pwede ko naman pala matupad yung mga pangarap ko... kahit na may boyfriend ako. Pwede ko rin naman pala ma-achieve yung mga goals ko at magawa yung mga ‘someday list’ ko kahit na may boyfriend ako. It would be much better if sya ang makakasama ko sa pag-fulfill ng mga pangarap ko. It also taught me to fulfil my dreams while I am single, think ahead of time, and stick to my plans.

3. “Marriage is not something that comes out accidentally. You plan for it. Even without a partner yet.” – The husband.

At my early age, I have already set some personal goals and I am very determined to achieve all of it. Most of my personal goals focuses on other people (social and charity works), to my family (contribute sa bills and school expenses of my sister) and to myself (have my own house, collections, and savings). I wasn’t really planning on settling down with someone in particular. I don’t know why. It comes out naturally every time I set my goals. However, for this year, I have included in my ‘someday list’ stuffs like: I wanted to have 2 kids, a cross-sword wedding, experience my ideal wedding proposal... etc. I also have ideas on what my wedding ceremony would look like, the theme, the guests, the reception, the interiors, and the songs, when will it be (kasi gusto ko sana –ber month. Except November), and what would my wedding gown looks like... but to have a family?! DEFINITELY NOT ON THE LIST. Except the fact that I wanted to have 2 kids lang.

I also (and always) tell my friends that I do not want to get married. Really! Like what I have said in my previous entry about marriage and family, it is not my priority. But they always tell me, baka ikaw pa yung unang mag-asawa. Or, feeling ko mag-aasawa ka kasi di mo kakayanin na ikaw lang mag-isa.

4. “Having a relationship is a prelude in marriage” – The couple.

My past relationships were a failure. Maybe choosing to love and be with the ‘wrong type of guy’ is a reason. I tend to choose bad-boy type kasi. I am usually attracted to those men. It is true that their way of showing love is different. Sabi nga sa isang pinoy quote, ‘masarap mag-mahal ang gago.’ Pero sympre, I am not getting younger anymore... every year, nadadagdagan ako ng edad. One time, I decided to write the characteristics of my ‘dream guy.’ It was very ideal and quite unrealistic. And most of it eh nakuha ko sa ugali ng daddy ko.

Dati rati, I was only praying for someone who will give me butterflies in my stomach, someone who will make my eyes dilate and someone who will make me feel that I am in cloud-9. My mom told me that when she was at my age, what she was praying to God was for him to give her not just a lover but a husband. Ganoon rin yung kaibigan ko, ang dasal niya for her relationship is always something futuristic.

My parents are quite open about my future or plans on getting married or settling down with a partner. But it is always in a form of a joke. For example, they will tell me, I should have a good relationship with my in-laws, I should learn how to cook and do other household chores.... etc. So far, ok naman yung naging relationship ko with Henry’s family – especially sa mommy niya at sa sister niya. Nagsilbi akong ate ng kapatid niya tapos parang naging 2^nd mother ko na yung mommy niya. Actually, for Henry, the sweetest thing that I have done for him was when I accepted his family. So I guess that wouldn’t be very difficult for me in the future... unless, magaraan sa akin yung in-laws ko dahil hindi ako marunong mag-luto, di magaling sa mga gawaing bahay, average lang ang talino at hindi mayaman – sakto lang.

Siguro nga, wala naman talaga ako dapat ika-takot sa pag-aasawa. (medyo sinisisi ko ang media dahil dun ko malimit makita, mabasa at marinig yung mga kinakatakutan ko about getting married and having a family) Like what I have said to my professor about the sharing of ‘the couple’, siguro nga kung merong tao na nakalaan para sa’yo, ibibigay sa’yo yun ng Diyos. Kinakailangan mo lang mag-dasal saka mag-tiwala at mag-hintay.

Before this day came, sarado talaga ako sa possibility of having a family of my own/getting married... but, today, mejo open nako. Doubtful parin sympre... unti-unti siguro, mababago ko rin yung perspective ko dun. Hindi ko kailangan mag-madali. It’ll take time.

Pero... ewan ko! I wanted to try to pray for this... but I cannot form the right words yet. Hindi ko naman alam kung paano sisimulan. At hindi ko rin naman alam kung ano na ba talaga ang plano ko para sa future.

I have also learned that:

5. You should not stop your partner from growing up and becoming a better person (whether you are married or not).

He still has his own choice and decisions to make. She has her own mind and feelings. No matter what happens, kahit na maging mag-asawa na kayo, I think you really shouldn’t stop your partner from fulfilling his or her dreams. Instead, be his or her number 1 fan! Be his or her confidant, supporter, manager, best friend... everything! Always be there, no matter what. Respect and accept each other’s personal goals.

6. You have to compromise (cooperate)

In every relationship, both parties should learn to understand each other’s side but not to the extent that you will take it for granted. If you are married, or planning to get married, you should learn to accept and understand your partner’s nature of work. Like for instance, your husband is a businessperson, you should understand that there would be clients who will call anytime they want... or his boss is such an ‘I-call-you-answer’ type.

7. Give and take; not take and give.

Husband: I have to treat her like a queen and I hope that she will treat me as her king.

Wife: we don’t make money an issue. It was and will never be an issue for us. He has his own savings, I also have my own. But, we also have conjugal properties.

8. Trust each other

Jealousy is also not an issue for the couple. Like what the wife said:

“If I have male friends, it would be his friends; I only go out with men if he is there. I don’t go to places that will put me at risk (e.g. clubs or bars). I don’t even check his phone kung may nagtetext na sa kanya.”

9. Do not forget about yourself (most especially, women)

Occasionally, treat yourself. Pamper yourself – shop with your friends, go to a spa, relax, read a book... have a ‘me-time’. Para maging maganda o gwapo ka parin sa paningin ng partner mo. Do not take it for granted, na purkit asawa mo na sya, okay lang na mukha kang dugyutin or losyang.

10. Maintain the intimacy pondered from the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

The husband said: kung paano ninyo nakilala ang isa’t-isa, dapat, i-maintain niyo parin ‘yon until the end.