freedom wall

She knew she was alone… and lonely.

Maybe she just really has to accept the fact that she is afraid to get caught red handed. It sucks that she cannot find her happiness – Someone who could cuddle with her through the sheets and lie with her on the grass even if it is wet because of the morning dew and someone who is willing to bungee jump with her on a bridge or a building…

She went back with her first love, figuring out if first love really never dies. And she thinks answers are still not clear to her. There are some instances that makes her say that yes, it never died because the actions simply speaks louder than words. However, there are hindrances – unwanted and forbidden connections. But that first love could have died already… somehow, in some ways and that comeback might just be an escape from all the pain she encountered. Some may call it sweet revenge. But they call it, friends… with benefits.

It isn’t easy. It never was. You play with the fire and it is either you get burned or not. You enter a maze and it is either you’re trap or run into the exit door. It is complicated. It makes people think, puzzled, and feel… totally against it.

But neither of these reasons gave her answers why she cannot stop from doing what she is actually doing. It makes her think that because of what she have become, she is afraid to go back and find out who she really was, what she love, whom she love, whom does she care for and what she actually loves to do. It’s just that she cannot see someone who is better than the people around her who could give answers and help her find the way out in her self-made maze.

Is it because of her idea of ‘I hate sad endings’ that makes her relationships with the opposite sex sucks? She has always wanted to have happy endings… well, who doesn’t anyway? She just can’t live with the reality that there is and there will always be an ending. She just cannot accept that there is and maybe, she will never be ready for that… even if it happens to her AGAIN.